B'in

I need to vent.

Life has become very difficult. I have two relatives in my life who chose not to communicate. The assume by texting/emailing, they are communicating. This is not good. Whatever happened to the milk man, the paper, the evening TV and people who said their peace and moved on with life? Is it that hard to look at someone and say, "I'm not happy about that." The other person say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." and then both of them move on with life? Did I just gain this obscene sense of that is how life is supposed to work? Did I miss the part in heaven where we all fought with each other and said, "I'll love you and get along with you as long as ______________" No. We are family. We love each other. I've been through a lot as a human being. I have had a lot of trials and am able to still pick my ass up and keep moving. Why can't people just get along. What happened to the words "I forgive you" and "I understand"? I'm sure I'm not really making sense and who cares.

Also, why do we compare ourselves to others so frequently. I'm my own person. Even my companion from my mission called me "One of a Kind." We are all individuals with a single purpose. We need to be striving to return to our Father. He wants us with Him so desperately. I feel that need He has for us; or at least the need I have for Him. But it's a sad day when we all say, "But that family is so much better." Or "their relationship is so much better than ours." Or "Why can't it be like it use to be." I wish for those things to sometimes, but it's not that simple. We have to look forward and move on. Nothing is definite. Progression is the key to salvation!

I die without you.

My sickness is coming to a close, but it's definitely taking its sweet precious time to leave. I really feel I have a virus that never actually died. Do they die? It could die. I'd be ok with it. I might even send it flowers and perhaps sing if it'd like. I keep picturing the virus from that move with Bill Murray. I know it's not the most ideal roommate, but I'd have a proper farewell for it...if it'd just leave!!!

Today was fairly productive for me. I was able to finish my Christmas shopping and wrap all the presents. There is something about wrapping presents that makes me feel a bit grown up. Plus, when I know that I'm buying presents for my parents with my own money and able to give back to them after they've given me so much, I feel so much better. Although, my mom had a really great idea. We had coin banks growing up; an armadillo and one of Texas. We'd fill them up all year long, the whole family would, and then at Christmas time, we used that money for Christmas presents from me and Ouiser.

I am sick AND tired.

I've been sick now for 6 days. Ugh. I actually feel fine today but I have lot of phlegm in my chest. I use to only get sick for a couple of days a year; normally just one time a year. This year, however, I've been sick 3 times in the same season! I'm actually writing this to let y'all know the amount of medication I've been taking and see what I'm doing wrong. What's weird, is I'm normally the one telling everyone what to take.

I've gone through a bottle of Zicam melt-away cold remedy, box of tissues and a roll of toilet paper (for blowing my nose). I've taken Mucinex DM, Nyquil, Tussinex, Melatonin, EmergenC, Echinecea, and rested a lot. I've sprayed everything I can find with Lysol so no returning sickness and used Burts Bees Wax for my lips when the get dry from breathing through my mouth so much, and for the chapped skin under and around my nose from blowing so much-I think I just rubbed dead skin of my top lip.

I think I finally know the phrase I am sick AND tired.

A new day, bright enough to help me find my way!

I started to write a completely different blog today but it was a little depressing, so I changed it in fear of losing the few readers I already have attracted to my blog. And I thought of some things that make me happy.

Today I'm riding in the car with my cousin, a year younger than I am. She's a little under the weather and we are looking for a place to get some yummy hot chocolate and she says, "I need a Diet Dr. Pepper, a bottle of water and a hot chocolate." Cracked me up!! She's quite funny.

Also, just a little incite on me...I hate forward messages. They annoy me. I think I've been using e-mail for so long that they are mostly the same. Every once in a while, you get a good message. But they are nonetheless distressing. Having said such, I have a great website which sends out a message of the day. It's a way of thinking that says, "live for today. Don't stress about tomorrow and learn from your past." Sounds familiar? Anyway, please go here and sign up for the e-mail. Try them out and read them. They are quite inspiring.

I really had a great weekend with my parents for Thanksgiving. It, of course, was not ideal-never is. I wish our whole family could have been there. I also wish there wasn't a fight over the deviled eggs. BUT, it was fun to relax and have a nice weekend with them. It hasn't happened in a long time and this was nice.

I recently grew a goatee. Actually, I grew a whole beard, like a do every week, and then carved a goatee. I'm not sure if I'll keep it up.

Ok, thanks for listening to my rambling. It's so refreshing to release.

Tell me that I'm so incredible

If you can't tell, I'm on a Buble kick. Eh, what ya' gonna do (shrugs shoulders)

On a completely different note, I'd like to jot down some things I'm grateful for. I've been wanting to post for a while about this and figured Thanksgiving eve eve is the perfect time.

In no particular order, I'm thankful for

1. my new lap top
2. education and the ability to be able to pursue it
3. everything my parents have done to make the above two things possible
4. my religion
5. my testimony
6. living close to my family
7. Michael Buble', Kelly Clarkson and good music in general
8. iGarage
9. Shoes for Crews
10. the temple
11. warranties
12. my imagination
13. others' imaginations
14. Believe
15. my one and only, completely beautiful sister
16. blue contacts
17. roommate pink tie day
18. the Practice
19. hugs, hugs and more hugs
20. the strength to endure ridicule and criticism
21. swing dancing
22. fried turkey
23. Colorado and all the memories and people that are/were there
24. organizational skills
25. monetary stability
26. musicals and those who love them as much as I do
27. confidence, honesty, integrity; basically the Young Women Values
28. three days of work and two days of paid vacation
29. the Atonement
30. cool breeze/Fall weather

The more I want you.

As I sat, sifted through miscellaneous papers and swayed to the soothing sounds of Michael Buble', I found a letter I started to write to my future wife. It was for a work shop at a YSA conference a few years ago hosted by a great couple, Rock-dawg and Donna. I never finished the letter but put it on a list of things I really need to do. It made me think. This past weekend, I went to another YSA conference in Florida. It was a blast! I wish my lazy cousin would post some pictures of me so I could post them on here. Anyway, I was called out in a workshop for being single; especially since I've been home so long from my mission. It really didn't bother me because I know why I'm not married...I'm not dating anyone. I've thought a lot about this recently and I really want to date. It is a little intimidating but I will be dating. So, this letter just made more sense to me. Maybe I need to finish it in order to move on. I know it's a little silly. But, my mom always said to put it on paper and it'll happen a lot easier. So, I'll be writing to the future Sister Garner. Oh, how I love that name. So, here's a toast to you Sister Garner. You'll be across the alter from me soon enough, wherever you are.

The smell of wine and cheap perfume

My day consisted mostly of listening to people tell us how sucky our facility is and then realizing how sucky it really can be to be on the other side of the desk.

I spent the rest of the day going visit some friends who were in need of some spiritual enlightenment in their home. Then, I came home, watched an episode of Glee (guilty), packed for Pensacola, then made an iPod play list for the trip. I tried to keep others in mind just in case they were interested in listening and threw a couple of my personal favorites. FYI...love the new Michael Buble' CD. Thanks Laura.

So, this trip. I really haven't thought much about it. I guess I've been worrying about others getting there that I didn't really think about going myself. I know I'll have fun. I'm rooming with some good kids and I'll enjoy being on the beach in the fall. I'm way pumped about the road trip. I need a break from everything and I really am going to relinquish control. Don't believe me? I am!