Drug free.

I'm not sure I mentioned much about anxiety and the effect it has on me.  I am going to be as diplomatic about this as I can with being as honest as I can.  My main object for this post is to help those who have had, think they have or may ever have an anxious situation.  Oh, does that cover everyone? OK!

Last year, about this same time, I started to have some physical discomfort.  Over a period of weeks, my chest became really tight, my breathing became labored and I felt light headed.  All symptoms came and went as unwelcome guests.  I have always been go-go-go and don't like to sit still or idol in anyway.  I didn't understand, however, that all of this has a great bit to do with how I handled stress at that time in my life.

One day, I was sitting on the couch, feeling uneasy at our home and looked at Ginny, my confidant, my joy, my trustworthy companion.  She has an extensive medical knowledge so I thought she might be able to assist me.  I was feeling tightness in my chest, lightheaded, and shortness of breath.  The room began to spin (the first time I have ever experienced this outside of spinning in circles as a child).  I told Ginny something was wrong and then proceeded to have stronger feelings of discomfort.  I mentioned all of this to Ginny and asked what I should do.  Then I felt I was about to pass out.  Ginny instructed me to lie down on the bed and to prop my legs up, above my heart so all the blood to flow towards my brain.  We were quite worried about what was happening.  My cousin Lolita was living with us, thankfully.  We thought I might be having a reaction to too much sugar so I started eating protein to counterbalance it.  I downed about 1 liter of water.  Then we finally concluded I must be having a panic attack.  My bishop came over and gave me a blessing.

The attack was disturbing and very dissatisfying, to say the least. My body had finally said, "enough is enough.  You need to slow down!"  It had betrayed me.  I was under the impression we were friends but we were in a very bad place in our relationship, apparently.  I was being quite uncooperative and not heeding the promptings it had given me up until this time.

I went to the doctor and like the majority of Americans, was too busy to do anything else but ask for a quick fix.  I received a Rx. for an anti-anxiety medication, paroxentine (the generic version of Paxil).  I had a companion on my mission with this same medication and felt it was safe and, anyways, needed something to help me and needed it now!  I was working a full-time job and going to summer school.  I didn't have time to do anything but get something in my system that would allow me to continue living the lifestyle I had become accustomed to.

Well, the medication worked.  It was very hard to get used to, however. Luckily, my Aunt Bea has gone through some of the same concerns before and was very helpful through this ordeal.  I'm sure I called her more than was needed or wanted but it became apparent to me that I needed help and that help had to come from outside sources.  There were many side effects I experienced, dry mouth, ( constipation needs to come next to sound like a commercial but I did not experience this, thanks to ole' friend, Lactose Intolerancy) light-headed, brain zaps (nerve-like shocks through my brain and upper extremities; mainly in the front lobe and eye sockets), and even extra bouts of anxiety.

Fast-forward to a year later.  My prescription was only for a year.  I had to make a decision.  Without insurance, do I go to a doctor to renew my prescription?  Do I slowly ween myself off of this prescription with or without a doctor's care; again, with no insurance?  or Do I just stop taking the prescription all together, cold turkey and see how it works.

After consulting with my wife and a pharmacist and after some web searching ( NO WEB MD ), I decided to cut cold turkey.  I forgot one time to take my medicine and decided this was the time to stop.  I was concerned about all of the withdrawal symptoms mentioned by others who have stopped.  Some of the same side effects effected me after stopping the medication, mainly brain zaps/shocks, which also lead to a bit of nausea and being lightheaded.  I am now 10 days off of the medication and I feel fine.  I'm still experiencing some brain shocks, but they are mostly mild and I know they won't last forever. I'll post more later.